Log in

No account? Create an account
The Crazy People. - The Devil's Advocate
...it never pays to give all sides less than their due consideration...
The Crazy People.
We think of "sane" and "insane" as mutually exclusive, but mounting evidence brings me always closer to the uncomfortable conclusion that sanity seems, most often, dependent upon the circumstances and the subjects being considered. Very many people - the majority, it seems - are quite sane very much of the time, and completely irrational on select subjects.

This bothers me much more than you might actually believe.

Insanity / irrationality is the only thing that really scares me. In fact, my affect is flat enough in a great many circumstances that I'm not entirely sure I know what fear is... (Read: "There is something wrong with the way my mind/body processes threats." not "I am Wonder Woman."(1))

I have an appropriate respect for heights or speed or other potentially dangerous things or situations, but none of them scare me.

I'm fine with spiders & snakes, I'm not afraid of ghosts, vampires, zombies, werewolves, god, hell, boats, airplanes, heights, speed, fire, acid, or baby shit... I've run into the proverbial burning structure to save a stranger, and I've faced "certain" death, trying to prevent a pahfactly hay-ooge explosion and yelling loudly to warn others to run away. I've been in car wrecks, faced a plane crash, chased a tornado, been jumped, blindsided, threatened, whacked with a stick, had knives pulled on me, and guns pointed at me, and handled all of those situations fine... But crazy people and irrationality kinda spook me. >.>;;

When someone is so visibly angry that they cannot control themselves, it makes me as uncomfortable as hell, because I simply cannot imagine the sensation, and I have no idea what's going to happen next... It's all I can do to not consider the person in question effectively a rabid animal and move to "put them down".

Same with people who are so excited or happy or "jazzed" that they don't seem to have rational control over themselves.

I'm perfectly ok with zombies. As I mentioned above, even assuming they were real, the idea doesn't scare me a bit... But the people in the previous two paragraphs... I think of them the same way 'normal' people think of zombies, if they were real. You think I'm joking. I'm not.

I've been in situations where I have to raise my voice to be heard, but so far, only two people -in the world- in my life's experience, have the ability to make me "angry" enough to raise my voice, and it's the single most uncomfortable feeling I have ever experienced... I can't eat or sit still for hours afterward...

The idea of living in a world where most people experience that kind of irrational anger quite often is approximately as attractive to me as the idea of shoving double-edged razor blades up my ass with my bare finger-tips.

And then, you get into what I consider much more dangerous, much more troubling irrationalities... Anger, after all, is probably just varying levels of hormones and biological chemicals combined with poor self control behaviour learned early in life. The other stuff, to me, speaks to how a person actually -thinks-... How the machinery of their brain functions.

Imagine living with someone with whom you simply never know how they're going to react... One day you might be able to play chess with them or enjoy a movie, the next day they want to bite off your fingers or paint the walls with their own excrement.

I suspect that most people simply can't understand / accept this, but certain kinds of "normal human irrationality" has almost exactly this effect on me. I just don't really know, deep down, if so-and-so is going to tell me about the tacos she had yesterday, or bark like a baboon and throw shit at passing cars.

And what makes it even scarier, to me, is that - in what seems to be an outright survival mechanism, because you just can't be completely afraid 100% of the time that everyone around you is batshit crazy dangerous - I effectively kind of forget that they're crazy, until they say something absolutely loopey to remind me... Then I have this sensation like... I don't know, exactly. Like, if you were walking along enjoying a book, really absorbed, and then look up to realize that you're not only completely lost, but also deep in Lion Country.

What if you had this friend - maybe close enough that you live with them... And just... I mean... Perfectly normal, some very high percentage of the time. You watch TV, share meals, talk about books, take walks together, etc.

But, every now and then, they say something like "The toaster-oven made the apple tree blossom today." or "I'll be going to dinner with Johnny Appleseed next week." and they're absolutely serious... That wouldn't bother you? Make you a bit nervous?


It makes me nervous. It does a good deal more than make me nervous, actually... If I allow myself to think about it too much, it makes me very uncomfortable. It makes me so uncomfortable that there's really little to no point in my trying to express to you how uncomfortable it makes me.

There are things you really just can't talk about. People will wonder about your (my) sanity... Your (my) humanity...

The comedian Louis CK has this bit where he wonders why / how people get so upset at the existence of homosexuals... Like they're just somewhere going "Oh... People are gay! Dammit!"

And yet, the existence of these very normal irrationalities has a similar effect on me. Knowing there are religious people (as an easy if overused example, by no means the only one) - and in such pahfactly hay-ooge quantities, at that - puts me in this mood, somewhere between suicidal and homicidal.

It's not about hatred, it's not about wanting them to change. It's about, deep down, really not trusting them. I really don't like eggplant, but I'd have absolutely zero problem with the world being 70-90% eggplant lovers.

Eggplant lovers aren't irrational. And, too, they almost never burn people at the stake for not liking aubergines... But, mostly, it's that they're not irrational.

Because, what it all comes down to, for me, is if 70-90% of the people in the world can't manage to be rational about this one specific thing... How do I know they can be or will be rational about any other specific thing when it matters?

1 - For those few of you familiar with 'Project SK', the flat affect is just one more indicator in a very, very long list. It's rather remarkable, really.

Tags: , , , ,
Feeling:: anxious anxious

6 Scary Clicks --Why not Spin the Cylinder?
squidflakes From: squidflakes Date: June 27th, 2010 07:16 am (UTC) (Link)
I've always said that the only difference between a religious experience and psychosis is context.
plmvent From: plmvent Date: June 27th, 2010 04:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree with you, even though many other things scare me. I did not put points into fearless. :)

I live in one of the notches in the Bible Belt and have several gay friends. I myself remain confidently hetero, but bu associating with "the heathens" as I do brands me as one of them. And, as I am more than a little bit Taoist, that complicates things even further.

When I try to explain where I come from and what I believe, it is much like masturbation -- it's only me that's getting anything from it. Most of the time I am left with vague glances and nods and I wonder if they are all going to band together and beat me to death.

I am more concerned for my daughter, as she is and atheist, outspoken and a pacifist. A dangerous combination in a Bible belt school. I do my best to help her not provoke the crazies; not because I disagree with her, but because I would rather she and I had many fireside chats later in life.

Still, I applaud her standing up for what she believes and when it is important to her, I encourage her to say how she feels. I have also -- through gaming, of course -- taught her a little about mob psychology and how to control it.

Ramble Twin powers deactivate. I am off topic.

Thanks for the post. It is good to hear from your, in any form. I look forward to fireside chats with you as well. Take care.

And try not to anger the crazies. :)
lawgrrl_23 From: lawgrrl_23 Date: June 27th, 2010 06:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've had anxiety attacks before, and they scare me because I cannot control myself once they start. I can't breathe, I'm usually crying uncontrollably, and I'm almost paralyzed with inaction. I'd rather be depressed than have anxiety attacks, which I guess makes me a little nuts, but that's not a real surprise to anyone, is it?
honormac From: honormac Date: July 6th, 2010 10:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know... Doesn't sound nuts to me. I think it'd be a good, sound choice.

I've had my share of rounds dancing with depression, and from what I know of anxiety attacks, I'd far rather be depressed.
lemonlimer From: lemonlimer Date: June 28th, 2010 04:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I watched Brüno again the other day, and while I still think it is an insanely funny and great movie, this time it particularly scared the shit out of me during all the Alabama scenes with the gay converter guy and the homophobes and the people who threw chairs at Sacha Baron Cohen while he was making out with Lutz. I just can't believe that there are people who would really SHOOT other people just for making out with persons of the same sex. It's outrageous.
From: truthseekrs Date: June 30th, 2010 08:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are one of the few people in this world who 1: I trust; 2: I believe (wholeheartedly with no hesitation) can handle anything expected or unexpected from anyone in any situation at any time. I learned, in part, from you.

In my experience (which is now such that I am going back to school in the near future (read as soon as I can finalize the financial aid stuff) for sociology/psychology (soc first, psych 2nd if I can't do a double major), people are bundles of emotional reaction patterns who are not willing, and have no emotional support from anyone to look at their own personal demons and deal with them. People (myself included) will not deal with their past pain, history or the root causes of their emotional psychotic uncontrollable breakdowns - and there is no one who will help them through the breakdown, and no one will give them love, compassion and understanding, which is what we ALL need.

How many of us have painful experiences that we keep trying to hide (even from ourselves)? How many of us are afraid to look at what has happened to us so that we can become better people and help others? When you need love and support who did you turn to? In the past two years, I have looked at my own reaction patterns, and broken more addictions and dealt with more emotional pain from my past than I even knew I had. I'm no where close to being done, but I'm no longer willing to be afraid of what I don't know. Being insane is not dealing with your demons. That makes everyone in this world insane.

As for what scares me? Try being married to someone with multiple personalities. I get scared when I don't know if I am going to wake up next to my husband or next to my wife.
6 Scary Clicks --Why not Spin the Cylinder?